"It doesn't matter to me!"... or does it?

Between school, work, and sleep there is hardly enough time in the day. I am always busy doing homework, stirring yogurt (I work at Yogo Bowl), or doing whatever else there is to be done like cook, eat, clean, and study.

Although I am in a great relationship,  

I often don't have time to read between the lines.

One morning, as I rolled out of bed to grab my assigned readings that I had to read before class and had fallen asleep to the night before, Dee mentioned that he was hungry and wanted fruit from The Commons. I told him that I had some reading to do but I would get ready and we could go as soon as I was done. As time went on Dee had gotten some animal crackers to snack on and had began some homework as well. When I finished my readings I asked if he still wanted to go to The Commons and his reply was "It doesn't matter to me". Because he was doing homework and did not appear to be in any rush to go get some fruit before class I assumed that we were no longer going to do so. When 9:50 came around we began to walk to class and our conversation went something like this:

Me: "I should have gotten some animal crackers before we left. I am kinda hungry!"

Dee: "We should have just gone to The Commons to get some fruit like we had planned!"

Me: "I didn't know you wanted to go so bad. You had been snacking and it didn't seem like you were in any rush to go? You know what time we have to leave before class so you should have said something!"

Dee: "I said I wanted to go this morning and when you asked me I didn't say no!"

Me: "You said it didn't matter?"

Dee: "Well I just thought I made it obvious..."

As social beings, we often have a tendency to misjudge the extent to which our emotions are detectable by others and believe that our feelings are more clearly expressed to others then they truly are. This tendency is referred to as The Illusion of Transparency (Gilovich, Savitsky, & Medvec, 1998). The story above is just one example of how The Illusion of Transparency has been displayed in my life; trust me there are MANY more! Being in a relationship can sometimes be stressful and the fact that we think we show our emotions more then we do can make it that much more difficult. Despite the confusion it may cause,  The Illusion of Transparency is an easily detectable concept and once understood can make it easier to read between the lines. I believe that the knowledge I have gained about The Illusion of Transparency will lead to a lot less bickering and a lot less of this song being repeated on my play list... haha

--sing this song when you are mad and tell me it doesn't make everything better--

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Gilovich, T., Savitsky, K., & Medvec, V.H. (1998). The illusion of transparency: Biased assessments of others' ability to read our emotional states. Journal or Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 332-346.